I annoy myself

So I’m failing…. my true love and I’m letting her down.

She is going through hell and I’m so proud of her but I keep letting her down.

She called me today and was so happy she’s been doing well….but then all a sudden she stopped talking to me and didn’t wanna tell me what had happened just she wanted to be alone, I tried to find out what was wrong, but I upset her so I left her alone as she asked. But I guess me finding out was what wrong was wrong or maybe I shouldn’t left her alone, maybe I didn’t do it right. She told me I was in a mood so stupid me must have given the wrong impression off as I was fine but still concerned for my girl.

I hate how angry I make her, how much I let her down how I annoy her but it’s even more heart breaking I don’t even no why that’s how crap i am. 

I had a naff day, awful infact I feel sorry for myself coz I’m a little under the weather everyone wants attention when ya feeling sickly, but I didn’t get chance to say anything and it’s all coz i must say wrong things or give off wrong vibes.

I wanna settle down with this girl, Iv recently realised how much she means to me so….why am I such an rubbish boyfriend???

Dropped

So another twist in my life, so yesterday she tells me she’s on a date Friday to which I’m like ok, I don’t like because his using her for one thing and I care about her.She takes my quiet response and blames her self saying she’s messed up etc to which I stupidly reply, you can’t mess I up l like you as in “like you”

After I said it was like damm your be freaked out now, il leave you alone because I can’t deal with the awkwardness and the way it will have ruined everything.

To which she totally just stopped talking to me no good bye nothing ignored all my tx my call the lost which is crazy.

So she did reply this morning saying we can’t be intimate anymore to which I accept but naturally want to discover why which turns into all sorts of nothing basically.

I’m blamed now because it’s all over us not being physical which it isn’t, I just don’t wanna lose the connection we have.

She is now not really talking with me and cancelled all our plans for the weekend….I’m totally confused.

This is all my fault she’s making out 😢 I don’t get it I just tried to be nice that’s all, an Iv been completely dropped but if I mention that I’m wrong again.

I don’t get why she hates me this much to be like this to me, Iv been there for all loads recently and now she’s got a better offer I’m no longer required I don’t understand it, what so wrong with me? Why does every not care about me? All I want in the world is for anyone to give a damm? But I’m nothing to no one… just that idiot 

MUG

So bang, my tiny moment of happiness has again smashed me in the face.Someone who is used by others and appreciates you when there not there runs straight to them when they click there fingers.

You try hard to do everything right…yet it’s them that says love is creeping inn, it’s freaks me and makes me confused, thought she hates me, it plays of my mind then I realise that the person who plays them a fool, has got there attention and the amazing best friend social media knows all about can’t always be bothered so makes excuses yet still is best thing since sliced bread.
So it’s back to reality, 4 forward 9 back. 
When will I stop being happy being second best or 3rd/4th 😦 when will I realise I mean nothing to anyone 

Can never do right 

Don’t really know what I wanna write about yet I wanna write. 
So let’s try and explain, so I have a close friend who is very important to me very I would and do anything I possible can for her.

She stays at mine with me quite a bit ATM, this morning she cried and said to me she felt were acting more then friends and was confusing her (I didn’t think she liked me…. in fact I thought the opposite) how ever she’s happy when we are together and we’re both single and not doing anything wrong, so why cry.

She got let down by a friend for tonight and she got all depressed and just sat in the coffee shop and starred into space.

Yet I tried and tried and tried to help but it just didn’t work it wasn’t me she wanted to be around so she quickly escaped to get away from me, I did how ever tell her to come see me later so she’s not alone I wanna make sure she’s okay, she said yes hesitantly I knew that meant no but don’t wanna say it.
She has been out on a date with this guy a couple of times, who was only interested in her for one thing and is selective when he can be bothered yet even with his terrible attitude, he has all her attention and if we asked to her tonight she would be there or probably will be anyway.
I just feel like I try so hard yet everything I do is incorrect, I go out my way to make sure I do correctly and bend over backwards to be there. But it’s clear il never be special but the way it makes you feel when you know when someone acts like a a******e and is a stranger compared to you is far more important and clearly can’t do anything wrong.
You start questioning what you do wrong and how you can be so useless at everything…clearly, why can’t I be the first thought not a chore! Thoughts running around….quick way to get confused and fed up and now you realise il have deal with it on my own.