I annoy myself

So I’m failing…. my true love and I’m letting her down.

She is going through hell and I’m so proud of her but I keep letting her down.

She called me today and was so happy she’s been doing well….but then all a sudden she stopped talking to me and didn’t wanna tell me what had happened just she wanted to be alone, I tried to find out what was wrong, but I upset her so I left her alone as she asked. But I guess me finding out was what wrong was wrong or maybe I shouldn’t left her alone, maybe I didn’t do it right. She told me I was in a mood so stupid me must have given the wrong impression off as I was fine but still concerned for my girl.

I hate how angry I make her, how much I let her down how I annoy her but it’s even more heart breaking I don’t even no why that’s how crap i am. 

I had a naff day, awful infact I feel sorry for myself coz I’m a little under the weather everyone wants attention when ya feeling sickly, but I didn’t get chance to say anything and it’s all coz i must say wrong things or give off wrong vibes.

I wanna settle down with this girl, Iv recently realised how much she means to me so….why am I such an rubbish boyfriend???

Day 1

So today was day one fresh clean confident feeling. My day started off great motivated new me this will happen, my friend who won’t talk to me is on my mind as ever so, I text politely say good morning and wish her a great day. Was nice enough but again she ignores me.

How ever I try to be positive, I work hard and look at some good quotes and read some stuff about possible changes, all positive…. then lunch time comes and like clock work is here from my best friend but she’s not talking to me so I attempt to talk to her again I get nothing accept a one word answer, right now my moods changed I’m in the dip, but I’m hanging on and trying…she ignores me still.

So this afternoon I receive a call from the counciling people to say they have discharged me and that I need more help, this scares me….how have I got this bad. 

My mind starts to worry now, now I really need my friend but she’s not interested so I stand out in the cold to catch my breath and hopefully not cry at work.

Then the new unit call me, they say I have to go to hospital on Friday, that I should be prepared I may not be allowed home and if possible I should bring some support with me… how ever again my only support won’t talk with me. 

I got told that day 1 has been a success it’s brave to battle this and seek help, it’s scary to think what may happen but stupidly brace to do it completely alone, didn’t realise I just thought I was a failure to be in this situation.

But I’m doing this because I’m hurting the few who do care, just wish people would see how scarred I am….. and how alone I am, I need someone to tell me everything will be okay, but I guess they just don’t care.

But still day2 tomorrow 😥