Living hell 

Right now me and my girlfriend are going through hell.She has been admitted to hospital full time an hour and a half away from home.

So she did the amazingly brave thing and decided to give hospital ago, its strict she has to eat she isn’t allowed to return to her room after she leaves it in the morning, she has to be up by 0800 and then bedtime is at 2230 she has to take part in all groups and is restricted on visiting.

She has been in now since last Monday today is day 8 and she is eatting she’s doing what they say and I can’t describe the feel it gives me I can never explain the appreciation for someone to make so much effort to want to get well to get better for her for her family for us it means so much. 

How ever the affect this place is having on her mentally is unbearable, she is so depressed, she cuts her self regular, she won’t talk to staff, patients. She won’t do anything and keeps telling me she wants to runaway she wants to die.

Then it’s straining our relationship, she’s very snappy at me, we argued loads lately about nothing at all, everything I say is miss interpreted, but she’s struggling so bad now she’s being to not wanna talk to me either she’s lost motivation she worry we’re going to argue when in fact we weren’t arguing she thinks I’m mad at her all the time when I’m not in slightest.

I spend all day worrying about her every second I think of her she’s my girlfriend and I love her to bits we have been through a lot even before this illness and we always come out the other side but she’s my best friend and girlfriend in one so it’s doubly difficult to sit back and watch your loved one fall apart and you can’t do anything. It’s got so bad I thought about cutting myself not to hurt me but to see why she does it, maybe it can comfort me in these bad times?? I don’t know.

Tonight she ran away and took an overdose my beautiful girl wanted to die, this breaks my heart. I intend to marry this girl yet tonight she wanted to die. It’s hard. I drove a long way to see her I seen her for 20mins and she didn’t wanna talk she couldn’t look at me she was just starring at her feet she’s didn’t wanna talk about anything she still thinks I’m mad she thinks she running my life…. she looks like Aimee but doesn’t act like Aimee she really didn’t look bothered to see me, I know deep down she didn’t mean it bad it’s just depression I get it Iv had it bad too.

Just not sure how to tell her I love her I’m not ever angry I just wanna help, when ya in love with someone you wanna do all you can to help she can never do wrong she’s not a burden she’s my girl it’s was I’m here for good and bad times. We will come out the other end here it’s just soooo difficult ATM so difficult….I just want her back and healthy.