**warning this blog isn’t aimed at being bad or painting pictures or blaming anyone**
This blog has come from no where, but like wise the tears streaming down my face too.
This blog isn’t meant to be mean to anyone!!! (I have to point this out again)
I went for a run tonight and had to stop to be sick and come home feeling ill, I went to work Saturday night I think it was having eaten dinner then threw it up, Iv been ill for weeks it’s getting on my nerves tbh!! I got asked when I lost my weight, I said after her when she was ill and we were good I weighed the most I ever have…got told it’s because you were happy, but it feels a lie!!
Iv meet someone new, I like her she’s lush but I just can’t 😢 again…I don’t know why.
All I can do is miss her 😢 4 months today we were in Norwich, yet tonight I sit here with my dinner I can’t eat revising and I’m just crying for no reason.
Everyday I tell myself I’m fine and I do bloody try but I fail too, why am I upset?
How did I let someone make me feel this way?
I explained tonight how we split I said she stayed here I said bye when I went to work and Iv never seen her again, I got a msg saying I feel nothing and blamed for writing a blog saying I felt left out…I read that back and thought why?? Someone who loved me wouldn’t done that surely? Why? I just feel like all the good memories are a lie, like i meant nothing 😢
I read how she misses someone it’s not me, it be a different guy I see her online dating…this is nothing to her it’s normality it what she does to try feel better, I get that…but she has zero idea what the words do to me, I can’t explain the feeling you get as you read the love of your life is alone wants to talk to anyone…but not you, she can’t understand how it feel for me to read that!!!!
Iv tried everything to make it right, I don’t want much but some kinda understanding but I get zero nothing just abuse once in a while and a picture of me painted as an awful person yet 6 months ago I was her hero yet i do nothing and now strangers hold more value then me, it makes me feel so stupid for not realising how much she didn’t love me!!
I don’t even know the purpose of this blog, just needed to say it out loud!!! I’m not wallowing I’m doing well apart from being poorly and still missing someone who just hates me!!!
But the little words, pictures and sayings destroy me. I get told words hurt…yeah they hurt us all 😦 but that seems to be the aim!!!