#day 6 If you could have any job and why?

Now this for me is very very easy.

From a young child I used to remember being taken to airport to watch the aeroplanes I used to watch them come in and be amazed and I thought how amazing pilots must be to me they were more incredible then the royal family.

So I grew up believing this couldn’t happen you need to be rich and well educated, I’m neither so I decided to gain employment in aviation to get close to aircraft and I loved seeing a cockpit for the first time the walking in and handing paper work over never got boring even after 10 years I loved it.

I then worked with several guys who worked they way through and are now first officers and even captains, an decided I could actually do this.

I then began but stopped as I got distracted and my now job I work for an airline I basscially do everything accept fly the thing.

So now know I need to nuckle down continue to work hard and wait for that day I love my ultimate dream, I will not stop till I get there 
๐Ÿ™‚ โœˆ๏ธ

#day5 Someone I really care about

Okay so this one is going to cause a stir, but someone I care massively about is my ex girlfriend/ best friend.

We share some of the best memories and some of the worst together.

So growing up I didn’t have anyone even family, so when I meet her and she done so much for me I loved it. This girl would move a mountain if she could, she would help me through struggles, she would bake me cake (she’s an incredible baker) she would hold my hand, we cuddle all night long and hold hands asleep so we knew each other was there we had an amazing connection.

We could spend hours laughing at each other to the outside world we wasn’t pleasant to each other lol we would call each other names and pick on each other an that is because we are so comfortable with one and other, we are the boy/girl version of each other it’s a unique thing to click the way we do.

But what makes her special is the tough times, I suffer badly with anxiety and ATM it’s trying to take over my life and right now we’re not talking properly because of it but normally she would been there she was the whisper in my ear “it will be okay” the holding tighter of my hand and keeping me busy she knew what it was and how to help she would help anyway she could, for the first time in my life I felt safe I felt I had someone I could rely on someone who understood and someone who had be as a priority.

Iv never cared so much about a human being as I do right now, Iv not slept properly again this time hoping she had a good night and made it home safely…I miss this one so much.

There isn’t another human on this planet that could ever compare to this beautiful, pick and mix eatting, milk shake drinking , special singing, incredible baking, most the time ultra loving young lady. She holds the value for me.

#day5 dream travel destination and why

Okay this one is probably going to be Iceland, recently it seem ice cold mountains seems to be the place to go.

I enjoy being outside and walks and Iceland seems one of the most beautiful walks on this planet mixed with outstanding volcanoes and of course the northern lights it’s defiantly a place I’d like to tick off my list.

#day 4 A happy memory

Okay this is an odd one as this is going to be my birthday weekend, it’s weird because I was dreading hitting 30.

How ever I was well and truely spoilt, my birthday consisisted of being spoilt and made to feel very special something I’m very much not used too why it remains.

So presents a side someone had decorated the place, brought me a couple cupcakes with candles…I’d not had a birthday cake ever before I don’t think. I was then taken out for dinner and spent a night with my at the time girlfriend, and all my mates and I loved it… even more so because it was awkward for my lass but she continued to ignore it ๐Ÿ™‚ I felt special.

I was then taken away to a beautiful part of the country and remember the long country walk (very long) by the river then getting dressed up for our 3 course meal just us the restaurant lol then we went back and sat on our balcony in the dark wearing all the layers in the world having a drink and a cuddle was amazing.

Then the next day went and did segwaying was a good experience I loved it…. but for me it was for 3 days I was made to be the most important person in the world was the best feeling ever. 

#day3 where would I like to be in 10 years.

So this isn’t the best blog as I’m about to go to sleep my life is so exciting I’m going to sleep early so I don’t get bored.
Sooo 10 years my dream has always been to be a commercial airline pilot it’s the childhood dream, it the inner geek in me Iv have a passion for aviation and it means the world to me to try be something I don’t believe I can.

I dream of being settled with a wife I adore, someone who cares as much about me as possible. Someone who wants to wake up and listen to my rubbish everyday lol 

I’m clumsy I do some crazy stuff at times so someone who want a laugh will defo get that with me.

I’d love a family, a sentence I never thought I’d say until my ex girlfriend… secretly dreamed it would happen.

I wanna be a good dad is my dream I wanna give a child/partner the love I have I wanna show the world I’m better then my dad and I want a family so I feel I have somit on this planet.
But these are dreams you think ya close to them all then you lose the lot!! Iv more chance of being the next Donald trump then I have any of them.
Most of all I wanna be free of this anxiety demon I wanna be able to live a normal life and not lose people who I adore!!!

#Day2 – The good the bad the ugly about me

Sat day 2 here goes, not a subject I enjoy.

The good, i believe in people, I value people so much because of life events to feel comfortable around people is important so when someone shows me this i repay.

I have a big heart when someone means something to me I will do anything for them I put myself a distant second take them places do stuff because I wanna show them what they mean to me. I still now spend every second worrying about someone who currently hates me yet I can’t stop myself worrying about her that I believe is a good thing to have a big heart. 

I care to much tho and this moves me to the bad, I care so much I begin to worry about someone so much I forget I’m living my life I spend all my time trying to make others happy I let my self get in a rut and I let people walk over me and I even apologise for it and that’s because I’m simple I like a simple life.

The ugly….anxiety, I found myself recently trying so hard for something that I couldn’t stop, something that was nothing and I could stop and I was losing control I began to say stuff I didn’t mean to get any reaction just to hear from someone, now that’s bad when ya care that much but the more I was being horrible the more I was hating myself the more I was worrying… I had a full on panic attack I was on my own and petrified I was shaking, couldn’t breath, I was in a mess and it took me hours to calm down this the ugly my brain my anxiety turns me into somit I’m not, my only way of coping is with people around me and I no longer have anyone….but hey that’s a different thing ๐Ÿ™‚
Hope day 2 was okay ๐Ÿ™‚


What,why and where you write.
So I write mainly about how I feel, I have had a mainly crazy, confusing and upsetting life I write about something that’s happened during that day or recently and I write about aimee….so aimee is my ex girlfriend she is also my first love and hopefully still my best friend.My life is crazy I want to kill myself one day, I wanna marry my ex the next and then I’m gonna battle life the one after my head don’t know what it can do. 

But it turns out my life choices are now based upon my childhood, being abused as a child and ignored as an adult apparently isn’t a good combo for someone’s brain lol

Why do I blog, to release my inner thoughts and honestly try and explain to aimee (her name will prop up a lot) what I mean when I say things or how I feel, because sometimes things are misenterupted and blown out proportion and there’s not always a straight forward way of explaining it.

Where, now I blog generally when I’m going to bed I lay in bed and this is when I’m most vulnerable when I most need to talk so I let it out, during nights shifts at work too that’s s time my brain goes over drive so I can pin it all tiredness and loneliness.
So that’s day 1, hope it wasn’t to rubbish.