So I feel I need to write this blog to explain and apologise.
Right now I feel lost and alone. All my dreams and hopes have vanished I didn’t lose just my girlfriend, I also lost my best friend my soulmate my smile and happiness.
I reacted poorly to a situation I wasn’t expecting, my brain was confused and so very tired. Love is such a powerful feeling, the love I have for this other human was like something I have never experienced.
The break up was all heat of the moment stressed related situation. The words during were unacceptable but emotional, irrational and incorrect. She told me she didn’t love me, my heart sank and instantly snapped.
We had been quiet all day and just odd due to worrying but didn’t mean I didn’t love her, it made me feel all the times she said she loved me were fake that all our dreams were made up and that our memories were not true…. we had many talks about me being nervous she would leave me and she told me off for not trusting her but I always apologised and said I did trust her, but at this moment I felt I was right.
I felt used, I felt she got better and didn’t need me that she never loved me to have already fallen out of love.
I had braced my self to marry this wonderful girl, she has a lot to deal with and is still battling a serious illness but none of that bothers me I wanted to stand by her side, I’d tell the world I didn’t care she counted calories, I didn’t care she was suicidal I didn’t care we had to plan everything nothing mattered because she was so special to me and I have never before said or meant so much I wanted to spend my life with my best friend.
So all that taken into account, my brain hit out in shock and my words are not true it was sadness and confusion the same as I’m sure the not loving me part.
I should be living my life, not sitting around missing her. We should be out together tonight and fixing a tiff. We are under so much pressure atm this was always going to be a hard period.
My family want me to fix something which I’m surprised but all I can do is respect her and prey she can understand.
This afternoon I battled my sadness to go visit my brother his pretty upset about something and so I was i when he asked to speak to my partner 😦
But I said to Mum I’m going I need to remain strong, on route I wanted to challenge my nerves and get a coffee me and my partner shared and loved this was a day of trying….but when I walked in I seen her, I respected her wishes and walked straight out shaking.
I then drove straight home I couldn’t continue, this is all a big mess a hugh miss understanding and I miss this girl so much