Broken

I’m devastated right now

My life is crumbling apart, Iv lost my girlfriend my best friend.
Someone who made me smile, new my life, someone who got me and I got her.
We dreamed together and planned together.
We stuck by while she struggled with a very serious illness.
We drunk together we ate together we brought sweets and shopped together.
We played games and enjoyed the sea side together.
We planned our wedding and talked about our family.
She stole my heart and no one can ever take it back, she stole my mind and I love it. She stole the heart of family and my friends for perfection and attitude towards me.
She stole my life is the best way ever.

Know she’s in trouble, she’s sick in hospital and I can’t see her, I can’t hold her hand like I did everyday I can’t stroke her hair like I did at night I can’t dry her tears like we have before.
I now feel empty, lost and alone. I don’t want anything in life but to be by her side I don’t want any dreams except the ones I share with her.
I don’t want my health as much as I want hers.

I don’t want anything from life but to be able to spend it with my best friend.

I was her other half and she is mine, right now I’m missing half of me and I miss my other half.
My tears stream down my face as I look at a white wall and prey for her health and dream to be by her side.

Im broken

Losing it

So Iv just got back from the doctors who is refusing to let me go back to work.
I have two weeks to gain weight or I have to see someone….wtf, this is me I stress I don’t eat but not that bad.
My family hate me, I won’t talk to anyone just because I don’t want to talk to anyone at all. They don’t get it, all they say is how can you get like that over a girl. Then I say you don’t no.
Yesterday I tried doing somthing in my room to which I got called an idiot for off my brother as I’m doing it all wrong, this time I didn’t take it, I snapped went mental infact. Then my mum joined in said I’m ridiculous she knew this would happen and that she wouldn’t stick around, she went to say skinny somthing and I went mental, I seen abso red my brother called her an idiot and me a c word and I launched out my room and punched him so hard. Told him never to talk about her like that and he just laughed in my face…I’m a joke.

Mum said why haven’t you runaway to Newcastle like usual, or has Lisa had enough of you like me and Aimee…this really hurt.

I had blood all over me id fallen over and cut my arm as I looked in the mirror Iv not shaved or showered in a week, I am a joke.

I went for a walk last night and sat on the bench in town for 4 hours frozen.

The only person I wanted to talk to was Aimee no one gets it, I’m not a stalker crazy loon just no one gets me like she does.

I am fine, tbh I’m very calm I think I vented what I needed too.

I regret all my choices and I can’t stop punishing myself I won’t eat or drink but why? And walks at 2200 at night is kinda stupid. This is a mess none of this should be happening.

I don’t have anybody, I wish I could just runaway from all these people. I miss my best friend so much, 3 days I thought I could do anything now I can’t be bothered to do anything. Someone help me.

She’s started cutting her self since last week, I don’t want her too please stop it. None of this is your fault and I don’t blame you one little bit, I just miss you like crazy.