The ending

Today is the day I can no longer take the weight that I carry on my shoulders.
I’m ready to let go to stop clutching in mid air.
Iv recently lost a special bond with a sweet natured,generous and loving person.
My love was taken away to soon and so fast and it has already began to change my life forever.
Unexpectedly and out of the blue leaving no time to plan or no time say goodbye.
It’s breaking my heart and maybe even her heart that we never got to show our fiends and family who love very much the bond we shared and experienced.

But as the big black cloud thickens and gets darker and darker I can no longer weather the storm. I no longer see a sunshine I no longer see a point and I no longer see a future.

I hate who I am, the dark evil toxic person I am the person I am described is the person I am. I hate my reflection and everything I see.
I no longer have the strength to eat or communicate I no longer control my brain to be able to sleep, I am out of control of my emotions and no longer strong enough to fight back the guilt painted onto my back, the weight is to heavy.

This is no longer a life the pain is now unbearable and I can’t continue.

I have made a mistake and I can’t live this life with these such consequences, my dreams are over and this now has to end as I can’t take the emotional pain and guilt anymore.

It’s cowardly and insensitive but this scenario right now is not real and I can’t do it anymore.

I am destroyed and broken and it has to end now.

Police again

I am trying to laugh right now…. but I have had yet another visit from police as now her brother has reported me.

WTF is going on?

I am SORRY all I tried to do was win my girlfriend back someone I loved and still do love, but now your out to destroy my life why? Explain to me why? This is totally uncalled for I messed i get it, but there’s making someone pay and there is this.

I can’t take anymore of it.

I did nothing but love my girlfriend, I dedicated my life her was loyal and did my best to help her and make her happy. All I did was try to force her to give me some time to enable me to talk her round. I wasn’t violent or anything.

Yet now I’m a criminal, I have no future Iv lost my dreams the only people who visit me are police atm. My girlfriend hates me and is dating already.

I have nothing literally nothing at all and she’s making sure I suffer too, I thought she loved me 😦

I can’t take anymore of this what life is this, how do you do this to someone let alone someone you made believe you wanted to marry.

Why why why

I woke up to some good news she all okay and yes this has even made me smile 🙂

Why do I care, why should I care… it’s something no one will ever understand, I can’t control my love.

This whole situation is crazy, we are best friends too we miss each other we miss life I know it.
I sit at home doing nothing I potter about walk to costa alone sit in the sun alone other wise I do nothing I don’t talk to anyone accept one friend who’s more like my sister that is literally it no one, I am beyond lonely.
I can’t explain how much I miss her but I don’t hate her at all, her picture still sits on my wall she’s my best friend.

Just hate this mess we both in exactly the same boat wishing life was different, I keep dreaming she’s going to rock up at mine and I wish hey, but I can’t rock up at hers 😦

Omg life is a mess I long to hold her hand, do go for a drink to watch a stupid dating show to walk along the beach to play scrabble anything just to be with my best friend in the whole wide world.

Right now I’m about to drive to my brothers work to give him a pair of shoes…just for something to do…madness

What can I do to have my life back to what it was?

Omg this is killing me 😦

i can’t do anything but read and prey.

This is bloody A***** and I can’t do anything. A couple weeks ago we would be together now I can’t even help I physically can’t do a thing.

i just don’t want her to hurt herself 😦

i wish she would talk to me 😦


this is beyound carzy

I hate this

I can’t explain the pain I get from reading the mess my partner is Inn.
She is falling apart and it’s killing me to read.
I shouldn’t be bothered after everything Iv been put through recently but I’m sick of all the s**t, I don’t care I’m going to court I’m not gonna deny anything I am in the wrong I shouldn’t have text her and I will take what’s coming.

But right now I dream to be able to give her a cuddle, this was my girl jesus today is our anniversary. This shouldn’t be happening at all. I’m just devastated to read it.

But I can’t msg her and I can’t go to her home town or I will break my bail conditions, this is just a huge mess.

We should be drinking champagne tonight to celebrate, instead she alone getting drunk in a state and I’m in bed already.

I just wish I could talk to her or see her 😦

I love to bits and this is just awful


Today is so hard for me combinded with watching the royal wedding, I wanted that so bad.


but I have taken the hint now, today means nothing to my ex partner and she craves attention from anyone but me, when all I think of is her.

everyone keeps telling me she is choosing this and that I need to let go, she is the girl of my dreams but is making it clear she hates me very much.


looks like that date today is only special to me, my life is shattered.


but she’s happy and I always said to her as long as she was happy that’s all that matters and I guess this is true

May 19th

Today is a very hard day for me, May 19th was the day I meet my ex partner she was a dream come true.
Everything I had ever dreamed of and more was there, she even offered more then I can ever dream of.

I didn’t realise it quite as possible to love another human being that much and I didn’t realise how special it is to love your best friend and soulmates do exist as she was definitely mine.

Right now we are apart and shouldn’t be, we maybe wouldn’t be had I accepted it but I didn’t because I didn’t wanna lose her.
Today we should be celebrating this week should have been life changing for us both as a couple, but today I sit alone thinking of her wishing this wasn’t happening. Wasting a day as I don’t have her to enjoy it with.
I wanna say f**k it let’s fix this right now stop feeling sad and move on and be together, I wanna apologise till I lose my voice as I know Iv done wrong but I can’t il end up in prison and today I planned for her to be woken up by two red roses to show that it’s been the worth everything to be with such a special girl. But I can’t do that either.

But it’s heart breaking that we are apart when we don’t want to be and I can’t do anything about it. Iv lost her for ever.

For what it’s worth I am sorry, I messed up and am paying the price with the police. Falling in love is scary, your whole life to one person is scary giving your heart your feelings to someone else ya brave.
So losing that bond losing love was even more scary. An I didn’t no what to do I didn’t react correctly and did think straight. I was hurting from everything and trying to work out why.

But now I have lost the one person I actually truly loved in this world for what…my inability to give up, I am gutted ashamed of myself and sad. Not so long ago we were the happiest couple I know right now we are the saddest and missing each other.

Today sucks and I’m sad so sad, I wish she would forgive me, I love her so much.