Broken

I’m devastated right now

My life is crumbling apart, Iv lost my girlfriend my best friend.
Someone who made me smile, new my life, someone who got me and I got her.
We dreamed together and planned together.
We stuck by while she struggled with a very serious illness.
We drunk together we ate together we brought sweets and shopped together.
We played games and enjoyed the sea side together.
We planned our wedding and talked about our family.
She stole my heart and no one can ever take it back, she stole my mind and I love it. She stole the heart of family and my friends for perfection and attitude towards me.
She stole my life is the best way ever.

Know she’s in trouble, she’s sick in hospital and I can’t see her, I can’t hold her hand like I did everyday I can’t stroke her hair like I did at night I can’t dry her tears like we have before.
I now feel empty, lost and alone. I don’t want anything in life but to be by her side I don’t want any dreams except the ones I share with her.
I don’t want my health as much as I want hers.

I don’t want anything from life but to be able to spend it with my best friend.

I was her other half and she is mine, right now I’m missing half of me and I miss my other half.
My tears stream down my face as I look at a white wall and prey for her health and dream to be by her side.

Im broken

Proud of my past

This is a kinda reply to someone’s blog…no prizes for guessing who lol

I wanted to blog about a feeling I go last night, again. It’s the feeling of regret, disappointment…the feeling of loss. My friend told me big secret about him starting a family, so pleased for him but quicker then gratitude my heart sank.
His getting married which that feeling makes my heart sink too…why you ask?
That’s because I thought I would have been engaged right now, I should be moving out this year and I want to be a Dad but their is literally only one person I want to and have her thought about experiencing it with that’s my beautiful ex, but because of an illness I don’t think il ever see her again 😦

Today she blogged her regret, this is my response… you don’t need to have regret, life throws challenges at us, as a couple we were jinxed as we received more challenges early on then people experience in a life time. This challenge though it got to you, it changed you with out you realising, mental health is serious and Uncontrollable. Through out all of this situation I remained hopeful to Aimee in the sense that anorexia had made this girl I didn’t recognise but remained strong at Aimee, people hated me, my family didn’t understand me but they didn’t know Aimee like I did, in the time we were together we instantly clicked and got each other and understood so much about the other. So I knew that this wasn’t my Aimee this was her illness I maybe would have appreciated other people’s understanding but no one gets it accept Jamie and Aimee. To see your steps forward still make me the proudest man on this planet I smile when you smile and cry when you cry. It pains me that your in pain and joys me with your success.
I don’t expect you will ever let me back into your life, but it will never stop me being proud of you and happy to have meet my soulmate and been in love with you.

I am 31 and want to settle down, I wanna get married and start a family, it’s a shame I don’t think anymore it’s gonna be with my best friend and soulmate.

But I want her and the whole wide world to know, I am so proud of her and she owes me zero apologies.

I have learnt so much and changed so much it’s just a shame we can’t share it together to be even better.

Life is a strange old thing!