Failure

It’s now half 11 and I can’t sleep.

I’m struggling today and yeah it’s just a bad day, but I’m seriously struggling.

I feel a failure, Iv always felt a failure but even more so now.

I am very lucky I have ended up by pure luck back with best friend, my soulmate and we are giving us a go, but not just a go like properly doing this, fixing mistakes we both made and doing things properly, I am lucky and will get to enjoy the rest of my life with my best friend by my side.

Our family’s have had mixed reactions but we knew people would be unsure but it’s good it shows they care.

But one hates me, detests me infact and made me feel like a monster then on top of that I keep upsetting my girlfriend making her angry at me, which I hate myself for, I understand it’s just situations but I still feel awful, I wanna help her I wanna be there for her but tonight she really didn’t wanna talk to me I feel it’s my fault when I guess it’s not.

I wanna continue to make her happy make her proud but I am failing, I was told I would get a promotion at work and it seems someone else got it, it’s deflated me I’m doing a training course this week that I’m stressing as it’s my poorest subject, Iv got to go the hospital this week which no one likes, I’m feeling real lonely I have my beautiful girlfriend but when I upset her then I have to give her space and I just don’t have anyone else. 

We were nearly moving out and my little disappointment made her think I’m annoyed at her, but I’m not I just woundered if it was because of me, people don’t like being around me.

Then moving out….hate this but I miss my dad, for advice for help for opinion all the normal stuff as my mum doesn’t care and my bro just wants to compete…I don’t wanna compete just want…I don’t even know but I’m so lonely.

I toar apart a hand razor to get the blade decided to cut my arm to pay for upsetting everyone…but stopped as I know it’s not me or the correct answer, everyone is allowed to have a bad day I guess.

I hate being me at times…most of the time