What has happened?
A couple of weeks ago I was happy, positive pushing for a big promotion at work, eating really well.
Today….I spoke to someone about what I’m doing and, I no longer eat breakfast which I was everyday I no longer eat lunch either starting this week and the last few nights Iv not even done dinner either. I’m not eatting any snacks or anything, I’m not drinking anything either apart from a few pints of beer.
I haven’t been in the shower since the day I arrived at work which was Tuesday and I feel a tramp, I have done nothing when not working except lay in bed had my iPad on but not been looking at it, I have my phone next to me but don’t really look at as what’s the point?
I go home tomorrow and I’m not really bothered, I will sleep then go home at lunch time and il go to bed when I get in that “girl” wants to come see me tomorrow but I don’t want too, then il spend all day Tuesday in bed and then come back to work Tuesday night ready for Wednesday….literally lost my will my fight my everything and I can’t quite put my finger on why.
However…it doesn’t matter why or who but tonight someone made me feel special, important cared for 15mins or so I felt different I felt someone and not this horrible criminal person I am growing to hate.
I cooked my dinner and recently I just have one mouthful and bin and omg I really wanted to do the same tonight but the only reason I cooked it were the words “do it for me” I literally ate not for me but literally for them, I had fork full of food and just stared at it but I did it just for them. I can’t remember the last time I felt support like that from someone I value, so thanks.
I don’t have an issue with food, but when I’m down I give up food it’s what I do, an I can already tell Iv lost a lot of weight in two weeks, my jeans need my belt again and I have to use all the whole in my belt.
I can’t sleep, I hate life and I’m so lonely, what I would to rewind to a point just to get a cuddle off of someone.
I don’t understand why this is so difficult, the problem being a week tomorrow is my bday too and the closer it gets the more depressed I become, I hate this shitty life.