Fed up

Just feeling fed up now.

I’m ill again, I’m away from home, I’m lonely.
I don’t bother charging my phone anymore as what’s the point, the people who do call I just ignore, the whatsapp from that girl I just read and ignore and there a hell of a lot.

I got an email the other day which was kinda crazy, but I never got a reply, I kinda knew I wouldn’t.

I can’t explain my mood, but Iv literally fallen miles back in an instant, I feel guilty, awful, responsible and realise how much I’m hated.

I’m off for a couple weeks in October but to do nothing not see anyone not talk to anyone nothing but try do more my community service. Everytime I do it I don’t feel like I’m a good man doing something, I feel the awful terrible human being everyone thinks I am 😦

For some reason I just can’t get this out of my head atm, everything backs up what I thought and was told.
I’m so lonely, I will tx no one today, I will finish work go to my hotel and sit in my room, I won’t switch the tv on again il do nothing just lay in bed!!!

My birthday is coming up, my brother and his partner have plans and all my friends in there couples but Iv pretended I’m working because I don’t wanna celebrate it, I won’t receive anything from my dad and again this year I spend it alone and lost.

What’s so wrong with me? I must deserve this life 😦

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