Idiot

What’s wrong with me. Really hate some stupid things I do.I commented on her blog, why why why why why you absolute idiot, I know I shouldn’t and she be annoyed at me even more now. 

I was just so proud to read her achievement, being someone who witnessed her life away from hospital more then anyone I was bursting with pride like I was sitting next to her. I wanted to tell my family look look she’s done this it’s amazing….but then it hit me, I shouldn’t have said well done 😦
I’m not allowed to tell her well done anymore, my family would be proud to know but she doesn’t want me telling them…realisation hit home, bang!!! Welcome back.
Then I reread it and read how amazing everyone else was again, an realised she doesn’t want me to be proud she wants her loved ones to be proud the people who she cares for, I’m not entitled to feel this way. Iv no right to still love this girl when she actually doesn’t love me anymore and in fact she hates me.
I text her and told her I’m sorry I can’t removed the comment and I shouldn’t have wrote it, an I shouldn’t have I’m not allowed to try and talk to her. Now I hate myself more for realising how awful I am.
Things like today should be me and her where as in reality I’m nothing anymore…the worst thing is I’m nothing to myself either, I just keep plodding around In this bubble literally with zero vision, hope or even motivation but on a positive I’m not depressed lol 

I’m so annoyed at myself!

Hope everyone is having a nice weekend 😊

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