So it’s come to an end, I began this 12 days a complete and utter state and as it continued it got worse. I spent along time asleep 🙈 I don’t really cry anymore…not saying I didn’t on Monday lol or a little one today hahahaha
I have began to eat again which I was warned against, but trust me I am more then aware. Iv made myself rather poorly though and a visit to the doctor is required lol
But after starving myself, tears and tears, anger, isolation from the world and everyone, after cutting my arms, visit to the hospital oh an reading and reading an reading lol I didn’t even know I could read lol
It’s time to return home, I am seriously nervous I’m nervous to see my family I’m nervous to be back in my room I hate being in my own room with a passion, there’s many many feelings going through my mind.
Why though it’s my family home why am I nervous to be at my own home??? Then it’s back to work Sunday too…so much of back to reality I’m very nervous it sounds crazy I know.
I’m not really sure I guess just the memories and stuff. Iv avoided making contact with people and all sorts so interaction is scary too lol
But all this aside, I am standing on my own two feet I’m a very focused again, I’m back in control am moving in the correct direction.
It’s been F***** mental to be honest, this has all come from no where at all, I should be at home now and was planning a future with my girlfriend, instead I don’t know how she’s getting on, she has blocked me on everything, her family hate me, I’m not sure if I’m gonna pass my probation at work due time off, I’m in serious pain a lot of the time due to destroying my body, Iv been reminded of my violent abusive childhood and I have to get my head around my dad having a baby with a girl younger then me, I have constant nightmares now and flash backs of stuff with him and my ex…but ya know what I am Jamie, bring it onn!!!
I am in this alone now, Jamie against the world…tomorrow is the beginning of it all time to show all Iv been through this last couple weeks.
Thanks to everyone who has helped me supported me and helped me help myself.
I learnt a theory today about positive energy, have you ever wondered why if you think about someone they normally appear on your social media or they call you or when you buy a new car you start seeing that car everywhere. Well it’s due to it being a positive thought actually attracts us to that actual thought.