It’s time this all finishes. I ended up in hospital last night, why am I putting myself through this. (I didn’t do anything stupid)
I’m not this person I’m behaving, I’m ready to move on from him now from this moment. My mind has escaped me, I don’t recognise anything a smell a colour anything my mind has gone it’s lost and it hurts.
I remember all those things I wanted all those dreams we had talked about but I have to find a new way away from my inner thoughts and feelings.
I never meant for any of this pain I cause to everyone myself included, if I could go back in time I would change everything, but I can’t.
I can’t explain what my thoughts have been because my brain and heart have got mixed up, but I’m hurting every single second and pain gets worse not better…but it’s pain I brought on myself. It’s time though I stood up and accepted I’m not perfection but I am me, I need to find me again. I once stood tall and proud but now I’m shattered I’m in peaces on the floor and I’m scarred the wind will blow me away.
I know your going to read this and I want you to know it doesn’t matter, nothing matters, you couldn’t have loved me any better and I can’t change a thing that’s happened, i wasnt ready to say goodbye I planned to begin not to end, but I want you to find better.
I will never stop loving and right now I also pray for your health and your strength. I’m never gone tho, maybe this bad passing storm but not who I really am, I’m always here. I want to make you aware I don’t have hate or have anger for anyone just admiration and a huge amount of proudness for the greatest character to have ever been written in my story.
I’m not a bad person, maybe unfortunate and rather silly but I’m just the little boy who’s scared, who has wounds from his childhood, his lost and lonely…but I mean no harm, I just seek love and safety. To all I cause pain…I can’t say sorry enough..
take it from me I am truly sorry and I miss my life I miss my story