Steping backwards

As the week has gone on, my mood has massively changed. I no longer get upset I’m no longer angry.

But I can’t do anything, I’m not working for a bit but all I can do is sleep, Iv no energy to leave the bed I keep ignoring all my calls and texts I just and stare at the TV I watch nothing just hours and hours an hours of nothing. I am doing the complete opposite from looking after myself, I don’t eat I don’t exercise I don’t smile I don’t go outside I don’t think, think anything…just nothing at all, the world is just blank it’s black and empty.

I had just stopped wanting to punish myself, then tonight somit happened which made me realise I’m still to blame everyone still blames me and so should I, I got to the stage where I don’t wanna do anything I might enjoy or do anything that may make me smile even eatting I don’t wanna let myself eat, I wanna punish myself I hate me.

I actually got dressed yesterday and put my shoes on to go out side but I opened the door walked out the room door turned back round and went back to bed, I laied on the bed then forced myself out the room….and after I closed the door after me, I couldnt go anywhere I sat on the floor and then had to go back to bed and went to sleep. I don’t wanna go out side, I don’t need to so don’t want to anymore I don’t wanna do anything talk, eat and most of all smile.

Punishing myself is ruining myself, just don’t think il ever forgive myself!

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