Why?

What the hell has happened…Iv just woken up, Iv read an email from my boss one of captains has sent an email inn to thank me for doing an incredible job while we were in Argentina…it’s made me cry. 

I’m not incredible at all, I write this while cuddling my pillow and crying my eyes out 😢

Life has got out of control, I hate it so much I hate me so much. Iv lost everything I lay here and realise I lost my girlfriend someone I adored, she’s so poorly as well 😢 it’s all my fault. She wants to hurt herself and it’s because of me it’s all because of me…but I just loved her 😢 her family now hate me too, I didn’t want this I just wanted my girlfriend who I thought I’d marry one day… but there right I’m killing her, why would I do that??
I can’t get these words out of my head, I can’t stop hating myself. 

Why? Why? Why? Why? 😢😢😢

I can’t eat anymore I just don’t want to I wanna make myself suffer, but it’s getting bad 😢 I haven’t eatten a meal since I was in Norwich 3 weeks ago, I started hiding my dinner in the bin in my room, I ordered a pizza with everyone at work last night as I didn’t wanna look stupid I only had one peace and brought rest home and now I need throw it in the bin before anyone sees….read that back…wtf am I doing???? 

I can’t sleep anymore, I don’t do anything but get upset. I went out a couple nights ago and I hated it, I couldn’t touch any alcohol.

But I can’t deal with reading someone tell me how amazing I am, maybe I’m okay at my job but I’m the least amazing person your ever meet, Iv destroyed someone’s life and I can’t stop this now…why can’t I stop hating myself 😢😢

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s