So I did it, I done it and I’m done.
I woke up with my own blood around me, I cut myself….why? Because I’m an abso F**king idiot, am I happy? No I’m bloody angry!
I look around my room, it’s a mess I won’t let anyone in it, there glass all over the place, empty drink cans bottle all over the floor I’m living like an abso tramp. Iv not left my room apart from work, I watch nothing on the tv apart crap, I don’t go running anymore, Iv lost all the weight I always wanted to gain, I drive my car and sh** rattles around all the time…why?
Because my partner got it and gave up on me, is that a good enough reason? Is that angood enough reason to act out of control? What do I wanna achieve? Do I wanna guilt her into caring? Do I wanna die? Do I want attention?
None of the above is going to happen, all I am doing is prolonging feeling naff…how by choosing to cut myself to not eat to doing noting to crying all the bloody time, but why do I do this I’m fine I’m not mental!
I’m burning the bridges I made with my partner too I can’t help myself, I miss her every second of everyday…an my stupid brain is making me msg her, making her hate me more and more everyday… why would I do that? Why can’t I control this?
There are so many whys in this world, I have so many..
Why me? Why Aimee? Why anorexia? Why Essex? Why everything…..
Not everything has an answer, but no one has died, I have to stop setting fire to my life because I’m beginning to do what I don’t wanna do and that’s turn crazy and burn bridges…I’m making everything worse, just why the hell am I!!!