So life has twisted and turned more times then……then a bottle top ( that took some time) haha
I have broke down in tears more times then I can remember, I haven’t eatten a full meal since last Thursday (very angry at this) Iv done nothing but sit in my room both here an Newcastle.
My realtiionship with my very sick (poorly) girlfriend ended, I lost my best friend, my soulmate, my future all over night. I had even found the ring. I had told my mhm about it. But my partner was so ill she was slowly killing her self and just didn’t want anything to do with me, I just stopped life…. I popped 48 pills last week and tipped into my disarno and coke. I can’t stop txing her I hate myself for it I get I can’t leave her alone I can’t stop thinking about her, why? Why can’t I stop being a fool. I hate myself every time I do it, Iv started to hate myself. I tried slitting my wrist with some glass last week. To top it off I broke down to one of my “crew” today told him how much I missed her and how I hated my reaction he told me I’m brave I’m doing better then he would….he then died in an accident this afternoon. I can’t explain how that’s made me feel, I feel awful. Iv tried turning to her I hurt in anger in confusion…again she said nothing and it makes me so disappointed in me.
I still love her to the moon and back, so why am I being such an idiot about it? The girls poorly for god sake?
I just can’t stop wracking my brains for what I did wrong and I guess il never stop what’s wrong with me? I just wanna be happy 😦