So it’s been a rollacoaster ride this week.
I have discovered a few things but they main thing being my inner strength, I actually do have control of my life which is fantastic.
Some scenarios were put infront of me which I would have crumbled but instantly turned to fix instead of delaying. Already feeling the benifits.
I’m in a weird situion and unfortunately for reasons I can’t explain, it’s weird. My life has taken a hugh U turn and everybody seems to be telling me I don’t need to worry and this that and the other but I feel it this time this is new this is different.
Iv come back home tonight and I don’t wanna talk with anyone I’m not annoyed I just don’t wanna talk, I just wanna pack my stuff and leave…. is that brave or is that silly? I have my notice written and ready…I thought about it before but never so seriously….is this right? Is this time? Is this silly? Should I be patient? I have millions of that going around my head.
I cried today…..no just a tear or two, full on gut wrenching tears no one was in so screamed it as I cried (I scarred the dog) I kinda scarred myself I’d been so calm cool and collective till earlier, I was feeling the pain the my chest soar my head hurting and uncontrollable tears…I was hurting and unfortunately had no one to support me this time, no one to cuddle me no one to tell all was okay…think these tears had been building up… but I must admit I didn’t like it at all.
When do you stop following your heart? When do you follow your head? What about when the two say the same as everyone but you?
But I’m in control, I’m in control of me…I doing the right stuff, so why? And why am I neglecting me too??? A lay down last night in bed at 0200 I don’t sleep, an I felt content I had said good bye to my house mate and something I was watching….I woundered if I had said goodbye to everyone and maybe felt this was my time? I didn’t ever wanna argue again with people, I didn’t really care about anything I just….done, happy Iv done what ever. But I’m not suicdale like I say I’m fine, for once belive it or not!!!
I can’t explain anything….it’s all mashed up